Lets face it- we love people who are like us. We like people who share the same philosophical thoughts on Nintendo and how PSP never really made the cut save for some precious Zelda afterthought. We like people who are coffee lovers like us. Who live fast, like us. We like the swag of materialism and txting on the train, like us. We like the True Blood references and TVO shows, like us.
Gee, I can’t help but think something is not right.
“I don’t think those talking pictures are gonna make it in Hollywood, do you?”
People who meet people who are unlike them, turn them down. Tactics include:
-insult (adds to injury, no?)
-uncomfortable with friendly boundaries
-low self esteem
-poor socializing skills
-low social intelligence
People who are familiar with people who are unlike them, accept them.
-they understand they can accept them without agreeing with them
-healthier levels of self esteem
-higher emotional intelligence
-come to terms with relational dynamics
And quite frankly, some have just been kicked enough to be gracious
When you look at your family, work, love and religious institution, and feel you don’t quite make the cut- ask yourself: what’s the difference between them and me? It could be more than you know…
-chaos levels (they may be more, or you may be more, than the other)
-do you compete like them?
-how much do they share about their lives? (sometimes sharing more or less can be used as a harsh judge in relationships both political and romantic)
And the biggest question: do you match their dysfunction?
Dysfunction includes the things mentioned above. There are a few extra’s to add… These include: scapegoating, gaslighting, triangleing, and more. They are games that are played within families and then transitioned into the workplace and romantic relationships. Often people bond with others who resemble a family member- not in looks- but in persona.
So when you don’t fit in, ask yourself- am I gossiping too much or too little?
Next question: do I want to play their game and bring toxicity into my life JUST to belong? Is it really worth it? Some people may argue that for a pay cheque it is worth it. I can’t help but feel if this is something you are going to play into, then maybe don’t make it last. I think like the Natives of the Congo: everytime you take a photo of yourself you are losing a part of your soul. So if you play games and take on other people’s dysfunction, what more could you be losing?
Believe me, trust me, indulge me: it’s not you, it’s them.
This is grown up, adult, peer pressure.